$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
