i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
