I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
