I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize