somebody snuck up and got me drunk
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
