In the future we'll all be gay
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
