How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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