idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
