dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
