I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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