If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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