that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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