Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
