Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
