my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
