She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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