I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
