I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
