Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize