She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This is the high leading the old right now
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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