Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
