If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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