I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Who died my cat blue again?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
