What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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