He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
