We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
