you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize