you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
