even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
