i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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