how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
