Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
