Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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