everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The ass gains better be worth it
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