i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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