Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
