I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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