Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
