sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's official drugs can't kill me
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
