apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
