Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
