I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
