I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
