You just made me feel so damn special
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
