Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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