i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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