she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
