And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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