Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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