yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
