Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize