So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
