I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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