are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize