I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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