Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
