Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
