Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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