you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
