You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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