Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
