how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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