We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
