Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize