Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
