fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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