He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He better not be in your backpack
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
