The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize