I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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