I accidentally had phone sex last night
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
