literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
