So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
