This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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